At one point in early December, I received a call from someone in billing at the fertility clinic. Apparently, I had to call my insurance company to request fertility treatment. I had no idea I was supposed to do this, as all other types of treatments and doctor’s appointments did not require I call for “permission.” Well, no harm in just picking up the phone, right?

Upon calling the insurance company, I was transferred to a special department dedicated to fertility treatment and such. I explained to the nurse that I was ready to begin the process for IUI and needed clearance for the procedures. “No problem.” The nurse said. “I just need to ask you some questions.” “What is the name of your partner?” “Umm . . . I have no partner, I’m single and decided to opt for becoming a single parent.” <RED FLAG> Now the nurse stopped, and asked me why. I explained my condition and that I was now ready to try to have children. I also explained I had been going to the fertility clinic to evaluate and search for avenues of treatment for my condition (adenomyosis, for those of you new to my blog) since January of 2007, and that I have no time to look for Mr. Right while my chances of becoming a mother may be dwindling.

The nurse stated they would have to evaluate my request further in regards to my reasoning for wanting to go through this method in trying to get pregnant and also needed to speak with my doctor to find out the specifics of my condition and how it is related to fertility and treatment of such. I was practically crying on the phone. How is it fair that I may be denied using IUI or IVF because I’m single?

Once I hung up the phone, I was in tears.  The worst part of it was the fact I was at work, sitting at my desk in my not so private cubicle.  I didn’t want to get up to go to a more private location for fear of people seeing me in that state.  While in this state, a co-worker who sat diagonally across from me came by to ask me a work related question.  I refused to turn to look at her while we were speaking, but she heard the stress in my voice and asked me what happened.  I just broke down and told her what had happened.

I can’t remember if the insurance company called me the same day or the next, but either way they called me to inform me I was approved for coverage and I could move forward.

So I began moving forward with getting ready for IUI . . .

IUI is the process in which donor sperm is washed (meaning separating the sperm from the semen) and injected inside of a woman’s uterine cavity at her point of ovulation.  This method involves a women utilizing an ovulation kit to monitor her LH surge which is the hormone that triggers ovulation, and going to the doctor the following morning for insemination.  Or going to the doctor’s every other day for monitoring and taking an injection that will induce ovulation when the egg(s) maturing have reached a certain size that indicates the body is close to natural ovulation

IVF is the process where eggs are removed from the woman’s body once ovulation is induced and placing it in a dish with unwashed sperm (meaning the sperm and semen are not separated).  The fertilized egg(s) are then placed into the uterine cavity.  This process can include using drugs in repressing, stimulating and then inducing ovulation (4.5 week schedule) or only stimulating and inducing ovulation (2 week schedule)

Once I had in all of the characteristics, I had a list of about 10 donors, and all non-anonymous (meaning the child can opt to find out who their donor was when they are 18 years of age - Rainbow Flag’s rule was different and is not the norm). But who was I going to choose? So I opted for help from my friend in Colorado as well as my sister who lives in Europe. Together the three of us came up with a top four. GREAT!!!! But who the hell are these guys anyway?

On a basic level the sperm banks will give you a minimum amount of information on their donors. If you want more information, you’ll have to pay for it. And it is not cheap! I decided on the full profile, including their adult features as marked by the nurses, their family medical history according to their own personal knowledge (other than the usual STD’s, HIV and genetic deficiencies, the sperm banks do not research whether the information provided by the donor is in fact valid), and whatever pictures were available (can include child and/or adult photos).

Once I had my top four donors I made a decision on who I wanted, and made my purchase from Manhattan Cryobank. For approximately $1200 I purchased 2 vials and the price included shipping in the cool liquid nitrogen freezer.

One bank I really wanted to use was Rainbow Flag Health Services. Rainbow is a bank located in San Francisco, CA and for anyone wondering; yes they cater to men and women who have same sex relationships. The reason I wanted to use Rainbow was because they have non-anonymous donors (aka known donors), who donate sperm and eggs. Within 3 months of the child’s birth the parents find out the name of the donor, and the donor is obligated to meet the child at least once. I spent a significant amount of time on the phone with the director of the facility and was all set to purchase my sperm from this location, but there was one drawback; New York State does not allow for gay men to donate sperm and will now allow women to use sperm that originated from gay donors. How archaic!!! I understand the HIV thing, but HIV is certainly not limited to gay men only.

So I was back to where I began, finding a sperm bank. The sites are funny and disturbing, you click off on what you’re looking for as if you’re building and pricing a car: Eye color, hair color, race, religion, and so much more. Yet after going through these sites it was becoming difficult to keep up on what I was looking for. While doing some Google searches on sperm banks, I came a across . . . okay don’t laugh . . . SpermCenter.com.

If each sperm bank site is like going to an individual car site to shop for a car, SpermCenter.com is like going to CarFinder.com where every bank in the U.S. is aggregated at one site for “one stop shopping.” Yes, very funny, but still very disturbing. Yet this was my best chance of keeping track of my choices.

In making this choice, I had to be aware of the laparoscopy that was looming over me.  You remember right?  The slight blockage in my fallopian tubes that could potentially cause problems with my getting pregnant?

Well I had never had surgery before and the thought of someone cutting into me scared the hell out of me.  After speaking to my doctor I had decided to hold off on going through with the procedure and instead opted to try getting pregnant without it.  My doctor wasn’t happy with my decision but he is enough of a forward thinker to realize there is a time and place for such an argument and this was not one of those times.  He understood my fears and just asked that I remain open minded.

So with opting out of the laparoscopy I also opted to stop my birth control as well, in order to purge the medication and prep my body for pregnancy . . .

For several months I continued the birth control therapy.  It was great!  My periods were not heavy, but most importantly, they were not painful.  Of course I still carried the prescription naprosyn in the event the birth control failed me, but I didn’t have to make the change which made it all the more important for me.  I began to realize I would more than likely have to be on birth control therapy for the next 15 years or so, and to be honest, I didn’t mind.

Within 24 hours my cycle began, and within 2 days I thought I was hemorrhaging.  The only clear explanation I can give to strange little phenomena is the fact that I had last had my period 3 months earlier so my body was purging.  I was really scared, I was going through a super plus tampon in less than 30 minutes.  Then when I would remove the tampon it would nearly pour out of me.

I waited a little while longer to see if I felt weak, light headed or if it would slow down.  Luckily within about 30 - 40 mins it slowed down enough for me to leave a super plus in for several hours, and went back to normal by the following day.

I began my new medication within a day, and my breakthrough bleeding began to dissipate rapidly and finally stopped. However, with only a one day reprieve the brown spotting began all over again.
Now I must explain that usually when I have my period and have brown spotting it’s normally liquid. However, this breakthrough bleeding was anything but liquid. The only way I can describe it is by using the term “flecking” like small paint chips falling from a wall or ceiling. It was odd and quite disturbing, and as each day passed I felt less and less like a woman. I couldn’t feel sexy; how can a woman feel sexy wearing a pad 24 hours a day 7 days a week? I had begun developing something similar to a diaper rash because that portion of my body constantly had something against it and not allowing my skin to breath. It was devastating me. So I decided to just stop taking the medication continuously and just take it with the 7 day break . . .

April 14th I had realized I had forgotten to take my regimen of birth control the night before, and nearly 12 hours later I took my medication.

April 15th I began feeling uncomfortable mild cramping and spotting began. Not red, but brown. I thought I was experiencing breakthrough bleeding again, and thought it would stop, but I was wrong.

April 16th my period began even though I was continuing to take my daily regimen of birth control. Although it had began, I still continued to take my daily pill

April 23rd it had slowed down to only brown spotting, but by May 20th I had been spotting non-stop so I thought it was possible I had just needed a cleaning in my vaginal cavity, so I figured it would be alright to douche, but I was wrong. Within 30 minutes I began feeling uncomfortable cramping, and the bleeding began again in earnest.

June 3rd it had finally slowed to brown spotting once more, and then stopped but I had become tired of this back and forth. So I made an appointment with Dr. Zimmerman, in the hopes of some answers

Breakthrough bleeding is bleeding while taking the active pills of combined oral contraceptives, or other hormonal contraceptives. The bleeding is usually light, often referred to as “spotting,” though a few women may experience heavier bleeding. Breakthrough bleeding is most common when a woman first begins taking oral contraceptives, or changes from one particular oral contraceptive to another, though it is possible for breakthrough bleeding to happen at any time. Smokers are especially prone to breakthrough bleeding while taking oral contraceptives; though many users experience breakthrough bleeding in the first three cycles of taking the Pill, non-smokers tend to see the bleeding dissipate more quickly than smokers.

Many women find that the breakthrough bleeding ceases after one or two cycles. Breakthrough bleeding that does not resolve on its own is a common reason for women to switch to different Pill formulations, or to switch to a non-hormonal method of birth control.

Breakthrough bleeding is most commonly caused by an excessively thick endometrium (uterine lining). This is not a dangerous condition, though the unpredictable and often lengthy periods of bleeding are unpleasant for the woman. Breakthrough bleeding may also be caused by hormonal effects of ovulation. If the Pill is not suppressing ovulation, the woman is at high risk of pregnancy. Breakthrough bleeding may also itself be a symptom of pregnancy (contraceptive failure).