A Journey through Treatment and Pregnancy

Thankfully I work for a large corporation that allows employees to choose from approximately six different types of insurance coverages. When I was first given this option of choosing, I chose the most expensive coverage in order to always have my options open to me. It was a good thing I did too, because the coverage I had chosen allowed me to receive fertility treatment, 6 IUI attempts and 3 IVF attempts as well.

At one point in early December, I received a call from someone in billing at the fertility clinic. Apparently, I had to call my insurance company to request fertility treatment. I had no idea I was supposed to do this, as all other types of treatments and doctor’s appointments did not require I call for “permission.” Well, no harm in just picking up the phone, right?

Upon calling the insurance company, I was transferred to a special department dedicated to fertility treatment and such. I explained to the nurse that I was ready to begin the process for IUI and needed clearance for the procedures. “No problem.” The nurse said. “I just need to ask you some questions.” “What is the name of your partner?” “Umm . . . I have no partner, I’m single and decided to opt for becoming a single parent.” <RED FLAG> Now the nurse stopped, and asked me why. I explained my condition and that I was now ready to try to have children. I also explained I had been going to the fertility clinic to evaluate and search for avenues of treatment for my condition (adenomyosis, for those of you new to my blog) since January of 2007, and that I have no time to look for Mr. Right while my chances of becoming a mother may be dwindling.

The nurse stated they would have to evaluate my request further in regards to my reasoning for wanting to go through this method in trying to get pregnant and also needed to speak with my doctor to find out the specifics of my condition and how it is related to fertility and treatment of such. I was practically crying on the phone. How is it fair that I may be denied using IUI or IVF because I’m single?

Once I hung up the phone, I was in tears.  The worst part of it was the fact I was at work, sitting at my desk in my not so private cubicle.  I didn’t want to get up to go to a more private location for fear of people seeing me in that state.  While in this state, a co-worker who sat diagonally across from me came by to ask me a work related question.  I refused to turn to look at her while we were speaking, but she heard the stress in my voice and asked me what happened.  I just broke down and told her what had happened.

I can’t remember if the insurance company called me the same day or the next, but either way they called me to inform me I was approved for coverage and I could move forward.

So I began moving forward with getting ready for IUI . . .

For those of you not versed in dealing with techniques on becoming pregnant outside of the more natural method.  Let me take quick moment to explain the difference between IUI (intrauterine insemination) and IVF (in vitro fertilization).

IUI is the process in which donor sperm is washed (meaning separating the sperm from the semen) and injected inside of a woman’s uterine cavity at her point of ovulation.  This method involves a women utilizing an ovulation kit to monitor her LH surge which is the hormone that triggers ovulation, and going to the doctor the following morning for insemination.  Or going to the doctor’s every other day for monitoring and taking an injection that will induce ovulation when the egg(s) maturing have reached a certain size that indicates the body is close to natural ovulation

IVF is the process where eggs are removed from the woman’s body once ovulation is induced and placing it in a dish with unwashed sperm (meaning the sperm and semen are not separated).  The fertilized egg(s) are then placed into the uterine cavity.  This process can include using drugs in repressing, stimulating and then inducing ovulation (4.5 week schedule) or only stimulating and inducing ovulation (2 week schedule)

SpermCenter.com is a free site for very simple things, such as putting in all of the information for characteristics you’re searching for. However, it’s not free to save “favorite” banks or donors. I opted to pay to save my choices. $25 for six months is nothing compared to how much the sperm is going to cost you in the long run.

Once I had in all of the characteristics, I had a list of about 10 donors, and all non-anonymous (meaning the child can opt to find out who their donor was when they are 18 years of age - Rainbow Flag’s rule was different and is not the norm). But who was I going to choose? So I opted for help from my friend in Colorado as well as my sister who lives in Europe. Together the three of us came up with a top four. GREAT!!!! But who the hell are these guys anyway?

On a basic level the sperm banks will give you a minimum amount of information on their donors. If you want more information, you’ll have to pay for it. And it is not cheap! I decided on the full profile, including their adult features as marked by the nurses, their family medical history according to their own personal knowledge (other than the usual STD’s, HIV and genetic deficiencies, the sperm banks do not research whether the information provided by the donor is in fact valid), and whatever pictures were available (can include child and/or adult photos).

Once I had my top four donors I made a decision on who I wanted, and made my purchase from Manhattan Cryobank. For approximately $1200 I purchased 2 vials and the price included shipping in the cool liquid nitrogen freezer.

In making a decision to use a sperm donor I also had to make a decision on where to purchase the sperm. My main concern was that I wanted my child to have the opportunity to know at least the name of their father at some point in their lives. I felt it was cruel that my child would only know only one half of themselves, not the whole person.

One bank I really wanted to use was Rainbow Flag Health Services. Rainbow is a bank located in San Francisco, CA and for anyone wondering; yes they cater to men and women who have same sex relationships. The reason I wanted to use Rainbow was because they have non-anonymous donors (aka known donors), who donate sperm and eggs. Within 3 months of the child’s birth the parents find out the name of the donor, and the donor is obligated to meet the child at least once. I spent a significant amount of time on the phone with the director of the facility and was all set to purchase my sperm from this location, but there was one drawback; New York State does not allow for gay men to donate sperm and will now allow women to use sperm that originated from gay donors. How archaic!!! I understand the HIV thing, but HIV is certainly not limited to gay men only.

So I was back to where I began, finding a sperm bank. The sites are funny and disturbing, you click off on what you’re looking for as if you’re building and pricing a car: Eye color, hair color, race, religion, and so much more. Yet after going through these sites it was becoming difficult to keep up on what I was looking for. While doing some Google searches on sperm banks, I came a across . . . okay don’t laugh . . . SpermCenter.com.

If each sperm bank site is like going to an individual car site to shop for a car, SpermCenter.com is like going to CarFinder.com where every bank in the U.S. is aggregated at one site for “one stop shopping.” Yes, very funny, but still very disturbing. Yet this was my best chance of keeping track of my choices.